Category: Rants

I never told you this, but before I knew about your June and July, when you let me stay at your house while you were in Europe, I almost took everything that was mine. Had I known while I struggled with loyalty, you were struggling with Ioan and what position worked best for your needs, I might have done something differently. I might have chosen me over we.

You can’t have it both ways every time. If you choose this, know that you are choosing a life you do not recognize. And in two months when it’s inevitably over, if it starts, well, you can regret using a nuclear bomb. But you can’t take it back.

The biggest difference between men and women is what happens at this point. We break up and I swallow three bottles of wine and listen to Audioslave. She puts on yoga pants and goes to 7-11 and practically gets molested buying Doritos. If you’re a woman, you have struggles. I’m not saying you don’t struggle through this. Trust me, this particular one isn’t yours. If someone calls at midnight, they want to fuck. Every time. I promise. Men calling and women calling at 11:56 is the difference between men and women. Yes, there are outliers. But nine times out of ten, she is not the one texting, “You up?”

Every time before the feeling was exactly the same. The names were different, but the feeling was the same. That feeling in my chest and stomach. Evil butterflies swooping dark, not the kind that make giggles. This time everything else seems familiar. Except there are no butterflies. After Romania and the preschool incident, this almost seemed inevitable. Like I need alcohol to cope, she needed new male attention. And she will say “fuck it” to everything else. Your marriage, me, they don’t matter. We all have a drug of choice.