Now that you have done it, see if you can hold it. What are you really losing? And anything you lose, anything you feel about this is completely within yourself, and therefore completely within your control. The actual pain is long gone. Nothing you do can ever turn that past into a win–nothing short of a miracle anyway. And thereʻs no point in making her lose too. Sheʻs doing a pretty good job of fucking up her life without you. You canʻt save her, especially because she doesn’t want you to, but you can save yourself.
Donʻt feel bad, thereʻs nothing to feel bad about. She will only recreate the worst of you in her mind no matter what really happened. She will keep giving the benefit of the doubt to the people just using her to fuck.
You are real; there is no taking away what you are and what you’ve done. It cannot be cleansed. You cannot change anymore. If this ever has a chance she would need to be the one that has to change. I swear I swear I swear I hope Iʻm wrong, but I’ve been right with everything else.